


Now, Dean! Go!

by wannaliveindeansdimples



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Brothers, Canon, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Fixing Canon, Gen, Season 9, Who am I?, i'm truly sorry there's no destiel, no smut either, so i wrote them doing just that, these boys need to get over themselves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-26
Updated: 2014-03-26
Packaged: 2018-01-17 01:29:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1368925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wannaliveindeansdimples/pseuds/wannaliveindeansdimples
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I needed to work out the Season 9 bad feels between the brothers. So that's all this is. Everything Dean isn't saying and Sam needs to hear and say.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Now, Dean! Go!

Sam has just jumped down his throat for the 40th time about saving him and Dean’s had enough. He’s mostly tried not to yell because he knew he’d fucked up, but honestly? He’s starting to feel like he’s paid the price for his sins. Sam either needs to forgive him or...or they need to stay apart.

As Dean is thinking this, Sam says, “You’re just too fucking scared to be alone. You’re just being selfish. That’s not a good enough excuse for saving me against my will.”

Over the limit now, Dean jumps up. “Against your will? Do you remember what you said to me in that church? You made it sound like you wanted to live, Sammy. You wanna think I’m selfish, ok, you go right ahead,” he yells, voice and body shaking in tandem. “But don’t forget who fucking _raised_ you for most of our lives!”

He throws the cup he’s been holding, glass shattering against the far wall. Sam jumps, but says nothing. Dean turns suddenly, pulling at his hair with both hands.

“Do you even remember what you said to me after the Mystery Spot? About how you’d watched me die all those times and you couldn’t do it again?” Dean whirls around. “Well, you know what, Sam? _I couldn’t do it again, either_!” He walks forward, toward Sam.

“Do you know how long it has been my job to take care of you? Huh? Protect you from everything bad in the world?” He gets close to Sam’s face now, forcing him to maintain eye contact.

“Since I was four years old, Sam! From the night mom died in your nursery to the day Dad died in that hospital, he drilled it into me to ‘Take care of Sammy’! My only purpose in his eyes was to take care of you! It wasn’t saving people or hunting things, Sam, it was taking care of _you_! And I’ve done it, all this time. I went through hell, _literally_ , so that you could live! And now, what? I’m just supposed to stop all that on a dime because you’ve decided your life ain’t that important?”

He drops back into his chair, suddenly exhausted, no longer bothering to fight back his tears. “I’m sorry it turned out the way it did, Sam, and I will never get over Kevin’s death, but you wanna know something? You’re not just my kid brother, man. You’re like the son I’m never gonna get to have. And if someone had given me the choice at the jump? If someone had said to me, ‘We can save your brother, but Kevin is gonna die’? I’d have chosen you, Sam. Every damn time.”

He runs a hand back through his hair and leans back. “You hate me if you have to, but you need to understand that that is never gonna change.”

He watches the fight go out of Sam all at once. “Dad never should have put that on you, Dean. I’m not your responsibility. I never was.”

“Doesn’t matter if he should’ve, Sammy. He did. And it’s been part of me for too long now. I don’t know how to be any other way. If there is a chance to save you, I’m gonna take it. The one time I didn’t, you came back anyway and you came back broken and you fucked up a lot of things, killed more people than a single prophet. So it seems like letting you die ain’t the way to go, either.”

Sam looks pained and then stares at the wall for a long, tense moment. “I don’t hate you, Dean,” Sam finally says in a small voice. “I was just angry and sad over Kevin.” He pulls on his shaggy hair. “But I think maybe I understand now. I just thought you were being selfish and stupid, but it’s not about being alone, is it?” He sighs and sits down.

“When you went to hell, you didn’t do it so we could be together. You did it so I’d keep living, even though you couldn’t.”

Dean says nothing. He can’t look at Sam anymore. It hurts too much. So when the arms wrap him up in a hug, it comes as a shock to him.

“My life isn’t more important than anyone else’s, Dean. Including yours. But I’m glad I’ve got someone who cares about me enough to think it is.”


End file.
